"Confessions of a 'Motherless Child' "

I've been carrying a tremendous amount of PAIN around with me recently, and I thank God for the ability to WRITE and "get it off my chest" so to speak.  It doesn't matter if anyone READS or LIKES what I write, it's just "therapy" to be able to express myself! Today, I want to write about what's been "paining" me recently.  Here goes.

Above is a photo of the late singer RICHIE HAVENS.  Those familiar with WOODSTOCK know that the 50th anniversary of the original event is next week.  Richie was the LEADOFF singer at the very first "Woodstock" and (unforgettably) performed the song "Freedom," where the refrain said, over and over, "Sometimes I feel like a Motherless Child."  (I saw Richie live, in concert, only a few blocks from my house 15 years ago, by the way!!)  Anyway, what's paining me is that, today, I feel like a "Motherless child"...I always have, in fact.

My step-father saw to it that I could never have a normal, really WARM relationship with my late mom, and her alcoholism did not help, either.  After becoming a Christian in '75, I kind of latched on to certain "mother figures" to try to fill that void...but in the past almost year-and-a-half I've permanently lost EVERY SINGLE ONE, in God's Providence.  If you've been reading this blog REGULARLY I've written about them all one-by-one as I've lost them, but here's a "refresher course" for you.

1.) AURELIA (82 when she died.) I wrote about her here in March 2018 after learning that she'd died a few years before.  I had not seen her in 20 years when I learned she'd passed.

2.) "MOM B."  She passed away in April 2018, age 93.  See blog from last April.

3.) CICELY.  The Matriarch of her School, I felt I "lost" her when I learned she LIED, although she hasn't DIED.  Yes, she's still alive, now claiming to be 94.  I blogged about how I know she lied, and why I disowned her, in blogs from Nov. 2018 and February 2019.

4.) BEA.  She died at age 93 in January (see my blogs about her in January 2019.)

Last but not least, 5.) CHARLOTTA ("Mrs. Young"), who died 15 years ago at age 77, though I just found out last month and it REALLY HIT ME HARD.  She was the FIRST "mother figure" and she even pre-dates my conversion to Christianity!! To read what I wrote about her last month, check this blog from July 2019...http://chetitorial.blogspot.com/2019/07/dear-mrs-young.html

 Learning of those 4 deaths and losing, by my own choice, that one "mother-figure" recently, I really DO feel like a "Motherless Child."  But what do you expect, when the AVERAGE AGE of these women is over 80??

And, having prayed about it all since learning about Mrs. Young, and having felt the cumulative PAIN of those five losses, I've decided to remember the TITLE of that Richie Havens song, and embrace "Freedom."

No more "adopted moms" or "mother figures" for me, it hurts too much.  I'm done. It hurts to lose these five as much as it hurt to not be able to be close to my REAL mom, so why should I continue to be a "Motherless Child"??  I just want "Freedom."

P.S. Some thought my first wife, Beth, who died in 2017 was secretly a "mother figure" for me because she was 8 years older.  All I can say is....she wasn't.